Anxiety sucks

I hate this. I do. Anxiety. I wish it didn't take over like this.

Right now I'm fighting a full blown panic attack. DH took Roo for a drive to deposit checks and drop something off, and I'm fighting this panic that something is going to happen to them. It killed me to say goodbye; when I kissed Roo I thought "This is going to be the last time to feel his warm skin on your lips". I HATE THIS. I don't want it. I didn't ask for it. I just want to make it all go away...

Thank goodness there's counseling on Tuesday.

OK. Breathe.

I always had this, but with the accident... now all I can think is "It CAN happen to us. It DID. It could easily happen again."

That being said, in some ways I've gotten better, gotten more control over it. I'm less likely to just flip out about more random things. Like the kind I laid in bed crying because I imagined what would happen if I went blind.

OK. I need to pull together. For the girls. THEY ARE FINE.

Breathe.

Anxiety sucks.

Random Musings...

Firefox is evil for doing the tab thing. My ADHD self can have waaaaay too much going on at once....

Do babies wait until the climax of a TV show to wake up? Do they lay awake listening until they decide "OOOooo! It's getting sooooo good! Let's start screaming bloody murder now!!!"

It was fun doing a little hubbie bashing at Bible Study today, tee hee!!

Hummus is yummy.

I like the new board thingy I'm on!! It's soooo nice and relaxed and fun! Now if I can just get over my nice little "I'll screw up and say something and they won't like me anymore" stupid issues I'll b be good LOL. (Oh, I wonder if they might read this? Um, hi, yeah, I'm insecure, nice ta meet ya!!)

Looking forward to hangin' with T tomorrow!!! Maybe K too, I miss her!

I can NOT start any more projects with knitting!! NO MORE!! Well... NO!

Bed time!

Finally, real time blogging!

So I'm sitting here on election night. No, I won't get into politics. I just want to note that it is truly amazing how people view things. I mean, really, what I consider the worst idea in the world, others think will save them. It's truly amazing how the exact same idea can bring out 2 very very different emotions in people.

That being said, I'm sure I'll have something to say later. But I won't be snarky, just stating my opinion.

ANYway... Since I'm procrastinating cleaning I'll let this go for now and add more later; I'm afraid this may be a horribly boring blog, at least until I relax and get used to it!

I Am A Cricket's Hero

OK, last one, I promise. Hey, at least it's from Sept of THIS year...

Yeah, so um, I'm actually getting cleaning done and as I'm moving some stuff something big and black jumps.

Up until now I have let the little buggers live in the garage in peace, even smiling at them as I saw them, 'cause although they annoy my husband I think they sound pretty.

But that was before this afternoon.

So yeah, it jumps and scurries under a hairbrush. (It's got talent, I'll give it that.) So, keeping an eye on it to be sure it doesn't move, I inch to the kitchen. Now the big dilemma... The little blue bowl that I can see through but use, or the dark bowl I can't see through but never found the lid for and could throw out?

Dark bowl won.

SO, the initial capture goes quite smoothly. It stayed in place as I knocked the hairbrush away by throwing something at it (don't remember what, blocking parts of this out...) and even let me put the small, not too deep circular bowl over it. And a very large kiddie flashlight on top of that! And then...

I didn't know what to do next.

So I did the dishes.

And I swear I heard the tick tick of it jumping against the bowl.

Or maybe that was the clock.

At any rate I decided that I need to do something because either I would go insane waiting for it to jump out or one of the kids would inevitably knock it over. True, Ricky would love the snack, but it was getting close to dinner.

I dug around in the kids desk and found a pad of construction paper. I ripped off the cardboard back and make my way over. Ever so carefully I took off the flashlight, then immediately clamped down the bowl. Keeping my hand on it as tight as possible, I forced the cardboard slooooowly underneath, constantly checking the rim for an opening.

Success!!!

OK, so now the tricky part.

I practiced lifting the cardboard while keeping my hand on the bowl, which is easier said than done. I mean, if you don't hold the bottom tight enough a gap formed. I was NOT going to let this bugger escape now!! So I finally came up with the perfect 1-hand-directly-under-the-bowl-1-hand-firmly-on-the-bowl solution. YES! Now all I have to do is open up the screen door and the critter can go free!!!!

There was a gate up in front of the screen door.

Sigh.

Your big toe is an amazing thing. With it I managed to loosen the "lock" by poking it through the holes in the gate, and then I hooked it (my toe) around one of the holes and lifted/dragged the gate out.

It's only a matter of time before my son figures out how to do this.

So finally, FINALLY I manage to open the door, walk out to the deck, and lifted the bowl. The poor thing just sat on the cardboard for a bit, then hopped off to find his or her family. It did leave a little leg on the cardboard for me to remember it by; alas, it went with the bowl into the garbage.

So tonight, when you hear the crickets, they will be singing my praises as a grand friend to all crickets. One who loves her fellow critters so much she devoted about 8 minutes of her time to rescuing them. One who sacrifices innocent bowls and pieces of cardboard so that they may be safe...

Next time I use my husband's boot.

**** Side note: 4 days after this I found the cover to the dang bowl.... ****

From August of 2007

Again, making it look like I've kept up....

Title: Yeah, so, I did it...

Popped the kid out.

No drugs.

Tho I begged. Loudly. And often.

He was 9 lbs. 5 oz.

Thank you God!!!! (And um, please forgive those not so nice ways I spoke with you in between the begging for drugs thing...)

From July 2007

In an attempt to make my blog look fuller (more full?) here is a little something I wrote over a year ago, while 8 months preggie with DS:

Snickers Ice Cream bar are officially a little piece of heaven here on earth. No, seriously. God sent His Son for us, and to help us wait out the time until He comes again, He sent Snickers Ice Cream Bars.

OK, maybe the heat has me a little bit delirious. Or I'm a big bit pregnant.

ANYway... can I just say that opening your eyes in the shower to see a daddy long legs spider about 2 inches from your face (no exaggeration, I'm blind w/o contacts so it had to be that close) is NOT a pleasant experience. Although my hubbie did enjoy the noises I made before begging him to get in there NOW... (Did I mention he is officially my hero? At least until he annoys me again...:-D )